Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

One morning Bill Clinton wakes up. He looks out side,it had snowed during the night and everything wascovered in snow. He looks down and sees somethingwritten in urine on the lawn it reads”I hope YoU GeT ImPeAcHeD”.Bill calls the FBI and says “Someone has written “Ihope you get impeached” in urine on my lawn. For themto write it in the spot it’s in they would have had tobe on my deck. Please help me find this criminal.”The FBI agrees and comes back a week later. “Well Mr.Clinton we did DNA , urine and handwriting tests. Doyou want to here the bad news or the awful news first.”Bill sighs “bad I guess”.”The urine belongs to Al Gore” Bill grabs his chest “Oh!Al, my best friend my partner, my vice president…What’sthe awful news?!”The FBI agents look at each other…”The hand writing was Hillary’s”
Category:Politics

|At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
Category:Lawyer Jokes

Bonkistry Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion yearsby Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately knownas “Bonkistry.” He has been around forever, so I wouldn’t put it pasthim to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there werethese two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on allof the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into thefinal they had a solid A.These two friends were so confident going into the final that theweekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday),they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there.So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangoversand everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back toDuke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final then,what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain tohim why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVafor the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but thatthey had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare andcouldn’t get help for a long time and so were late getting back tocampus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make upthe final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time thatBonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each ofthem a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the firstproblem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and wasworth 5 points. “Cool” they thought, “this is going to be easy.” Theydid that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared,however, for what they saw on the next page. It said: (95 points) Which tire?
Category:School

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist’s patient was disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn’t mention how they made condoms.
Category:Doctor Jokes