A ducks walks into a bar and asks, “Got any grapes?” The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn’t serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns and says, “Got any grapes?” Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves. The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ”Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!” The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ”Got any nails?” Confused, the bartenders says no. ”Good!” says the duck. ”Got any grapes?”
Category:Animal Jokes

A new lieutenent in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the corporal, “The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?”The corporal replies, “On Fridays, they let us use the camels.”The lieutentent is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn’t he.The next friday, the young lieutentent slinks over to the camel pens and, after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar.The same corporal comes in to investigate. “Lieutenent! What are you doing.”"Come on man,” replied the embarrased officer, “You yourself told me we could use the camels on Fridays.”"Yes sir,” replied the corporal. “But most of us just ride them into town.”
Category:Animal Jokes

A new lieutenent in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him is quarters, he asks the corporal, “The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?”The corporal replies, “On Fridays, they let us use the camels.”The lieutenent can’t beleive it. On Friday, he stands around the camel pen to see what happens. Suddenly, he hears the camp bugler blow a charge on his horn.The ensuing chaos was amazing… men from all over the camp decended on the camel pens like huns attacking a village. Out of the swarm of men, the lieutenent sees the same corporal he met on his first day. He grabs the man by the arm. The corporal shouts, “Let me go! Let me go!”"Good God man,” said the lieutenent. “There are 200 men here and 500 camels. What’s your hurry?”The corporal replied, “I don’t want to get stuck with an ugly one!”
Category:Animal Jokes

Three animals were having a hugeargument over who was the best.The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance.The second,a lion,based his claim on his strength. No animal in the forest dared to challenge him.The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any animal using his unique arsenal.As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion, and stinker!
Category:Animal Jokes

A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn’t cause an accident with the chicken.The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken. The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged chicken. As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm. The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front. Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens. “Well we figure,” said the farmer, “that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken. But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own.” “That’s pretty wise,” said the man, who then asked “Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?”"I don’t know,” said the farmer. “We’ve never been able to catch one.”
Category:Animal Jokes