A new lieutenent in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the corporal, “The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship?”The corporal replies, “On Fridays, they let us use the camels.”The lieutentent is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn’t he.The next friday, the young lieutentent slinks over to the camel pens and, after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar.The same corporal comes in to investigate. “Lieutenent! What are you doing.”"Come on man,” replied the embarrased officer, “You yourself told me we could use the camels on Fridays.”"Yes sir,” replied the corporal. “But most of us just ride them into town.”
Category:Animal Jokes

Mail your packages early so that the post office can lose them in time for Christmas!-Johnny Carson
Category:Festival Jokes

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day!-Phyllis Diller
Category:Festival Jokes

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops in a bar for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying “NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!” He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says, “You smell kind of nerdy, and just what do you do for a living?” The truck driver says, “I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I’m hauling.” The bartender says, “OK, truck drivers are not nerds,” and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks, “Why did you do that?” The bartender said, “Oh, don’t worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don’t even need a license.” So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, And heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.” “Sure,” said the patrolman, “But you can’t bait ‘em.”
Category:Free Jokes

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof — out pops a genie.”Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you.”The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, “I’d like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew.”"It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.The software engineer thinks a moment and says, “I’d like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest.”"It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, “I’d like those two back in the office after lunch.”
Category:Science Jokes