I never do anything that i would get a referl in school for. So one day in 8th grade i asked one of my teachers to write me up. And he did. When i got home my mom was sleeping and my dad was in the living room. I handed him the copy that i got to take home and he read it. while he was reading it u gould see the anger building in him. Then he laughed at the end. My mom comes out of the room awhile later and reads it. While she is reading it she asks me questions like “who was it?” And she luaghed at the end. A this is what it said i had been cuaght by three girls writing that a teacher sucks in the girls bathroom and that i would be suspended for a couple of days and that i would have to by paint to cover it up and at the end it said that i knew that this was a april fools joke my parent were pissed before they read that i knew it was a joke
Category:Festival Jokes

Daylight Spending TimeWhen I was in junior high school my mother played agood trick on my father. She was always an earlyriser (as in 5:00 a.m.). My father had to get up at7:00 for work. She went around the house and set allthe clocks to 9:25 or so, then ran frantically intohis room, and woke him up yelling “John! John! Youoverslept!” He was just about out the door before shebroke down and let him in on the joke.
Category:Festival Jokes

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went. Guy 1: Yah..I’m originally from Dublin, IrelandGuy 2: REally?! Me too!Guy 1: I went to O’Malley Highschool.Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?Guy 1: 1988!guy 2: Same here!A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew eachother.The bar tender replied, ” Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again.”
Category:Drunk Jokes

1. Enter the stall, shower for about 3 minutes, then scream really loudly, exclaiming, “I didn’t know I had one of THOSE!”2. Enter the stall, fully clothed. Do not undress and make sure you clothes get all wet & soapy. Complain when leaving the bathroom that your shirt tends to bleed all over.3. Ask Scottie to beam you up.4. Enter the stall, undress and then re-dress up as Superman. Leap out of the stall, vengefully vow to stop Lex Luthor’s evil plot, then run full force into the wall. Stand up, shake your head, and proceed to take your shower.5. Bring a bottle of fake blood or ketchup into the shower with you. Exclaim “Ow, you know, it really hurts when you pop one of those.” Then let the blood/ketchup seep down the drain for all to see.6. Look over the edge to the person showering next to you, giggle, and then return to your side, whistling the tune “It’s a Small World After All.”7. Bring in a rubber chicken. Get it all soapy, then toss in into the next stall. Demand that the person in that stall returns it to you, or you will cast a voodoo curse on them. The next day, hang the chicken from the bathroom lighting fixtures by a noose and stick numerous pins and forks in it.8. Have a seizure. Bang against the walls of the stall really hard. Try to knock them down. If anyone later asks if you are okay, just say that you had some Mexican Jumping Fava Beans and they were reacting negatively with your stomach.9. Bring a chunk of sodium metal. Leave it in the stall for the next person showering.10. Stand in the bathroom, waiting for would-be shower-goers. When they come in, tell them “Not to do it” and ask them “Not to give in to sin”. Wail mournfully when they step into the shower.11. Initiate a war with the person in the stall next to you. Use the residue water on the floor as your battle medium, and float little battleship over to their side. If they kick them back or throw them over the edge, exclaim that you didn’t know they had the power of God and sheepishly mumble prayers for the duration of your shower.12. Bring in a fake finger. Float it down the drainage “ditch”. Ask if someone would be so kind as to return it to you. If no one does, tell them that the finger has been sacrificed to Satan and that the shower stalls are now possessed. Hang Halloween decorations and crepe-paper ghosts from them the next day.13. Bang your head against the stall wall, shouting “Redrum! Redrum!” in your best groggy voice.14. Bring a Yoo-Hoo to the shower with you. Complain about a stomachache, then moan “Ohhhh, um, uh-oh”, and pour the Yoo-Hoo down the drain “ditch” for all to see.15. Before you turn the shower on, make a noise like you are charging up a proton pack from Ghostbusters. Before you turn it off, ask Egon to set the trap up for you.16. Bring a balloon into the shower. Make the balloon squeak for the duration of your bathing experience. Then pop it, and fall to the ground.17. Bring dead fish into the shower with you. Let them float down the drainage “ditch”, complaining about the quality of water these days.18. Hang up the names of different farm animals in the stalls. Have everyone entering the stalls join you in a rendition of “Old McDonald Had A Farm”, making the sound of their animal in the stall.19. Turn the stall into a shrine for a pagan god. Call him Weeshy. Insist that anyone who uses that stall must tithe to receive his benefence and glory. If they don’t tithe, avoid them for the rest of your life.20. Take your shower like normal, and then begin screaming that the Communists are taking over. Bang battle sounds, including bombs, bazookas, and tanks. Towards the end, wearily declared victory. Leave wounded.21. Levitate. If anyone complains, tell them that they are breaking your concentration and just because they have bad karma doesn’t give them the right to spread it.22. Blow bubbles. Exclaim that you are dissolving.23. Bring in a bucket, fill it with water, and float a bar of soap in it. Charge a fee for people to see the Wicked Witch of the West bathing nude. Threaten anyone who laughs at you with flying monkeys.24. Start singing Pavarotti really loud. In the middle, stop, stutter for a second, and then exclaim “Ohmigosh…do you know what these words REALLY mean?”25. Walk in a man. Come out a woman. Complain that there are men in the bathroom.26. Suck on the faucet head until you fill up with water. Complain that they Seven Chinese Brothers get no respect OR pretend to be a fountain.27. Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl and wait a minute. Walk out of the stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy you are.28. Buy a bunch of those tiny animal-pills that expand into full, spongy shape when they get wet. Bring them into the shower and spill them into the ditch. Ask somebody for your pills back, and when they hand little animals, scream, slap them, and run away.29. Make your best Psycho noise (reeEENT reeEENT…)30. Try to get everyone in the other stalls to sing in four-part harmony with you. If this actually works, change your voice part every three measures.31. Role-play with the guy in the stall next to you. If he claims to have rolled a natural 20, call him a liar and fire your bottle of shampoo on to his side. Complain about oily hair for the rest of the day.32. Become a shower-pirate. Loot other stalls of soap, Oxy pads, and -Tips. Bury them under the tile floor. Fire cannons at peopleusing the toilet stalls.33. Scream out that your washcloth is attacking you, then fall to thefloor and cover your face with it. Lie there for 2 hours. Threedays later have a little washcloth pop out of your stomach and errorize the school.34. Bring SCUBA gear into the shower with you. Talk to Cousteau. Upon eaving, tell everyone that the Titanic was actually torpedoed by the Germans.Be cocky.35. Hum for a couple of moments, stop, make a “Mmm!” sound, and thenannounce to everyone that the mildew on the shower walls kind oftastes like head cheese.36. Coat the floor in a fine layer of quick-drying cement.37. Steal everyone’s clothes from the changing compartment. Go into their rooms and take all their other clothes. Donate to a needy organization.38. Hang “Marisa Cevasco steals Homecoming Queen Crown” signs in all the stalls. If anyone asks who Marisa Cevasco is, call them ignorant and ignore them for the rest of your life.39. Bring in Sesame Street bath books. Read them aloud. Giggle everytime Bert walks in on Ernie bathing.40. Stare at people’s feet as they bathe. If they do not wash their feet, tell them so. If this happens a second time, steal their shoes and tell them that they left on strike. If they do wash their feet and fall down while doing it, laugh hysterically.41. Stand outside the shower curtain, raise a harpoon, and shout “I’m coming for you, Moby!”. Run in and do battle with the faucet-head. Walk out a pegleg.42. Charge a toll for people wanting to use the shower. If they complain, light them on fire. Then they’ll pay.43. Hook up your shower-heads to a local dairy-farm. If anyone complains about the washing facilities, tell them that they should be thankful for a wholesome, pasturized, vitamins A & D fortified wash. Call them ingrates.44. Put an electric eel in the water heater. Laugh everytime someone gets a shock. Call them glowworms.45. Set up a slip and slide into the shower. Hurt yourself everytime you bump into the wall. Complain that your favorite physics professor shuts gravity off at the wrong times always.
Category:Free Jokes

BIT – A word used to describe computers, as in “Our daughter’s computer cost quite a bit.”BOOT – What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill. BUG – What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: What computer magazine companies do to you after they get you on their mailing list.CHIPS – The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.COPY – What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time playing games on your computer and not enough time studying. CURSOR – What you turn into when you can’t get your computer to perform, as in “You %@& computer!”DISK – What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.DUMP – The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.ERROR – What you made when you first walked into a computer showroom “just to look.” EXPANSION UNIT – The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.FILE – What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day’s work in 30 minutes.FLOPPY – The condition of a constant computer user’s stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see “CHIPS”).HARDWARE – Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven’t laid a finger on since getting your computer.IBM – The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you’ll pay attention to them again. MENU – What you’ll never see again after buying a computer because you’ll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.PROGRAMS – Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up.RETURN – What lots of people do to their computers after they receive their first billing from their internet service provider.TAB – What your friends pick up when they meet you for lunch because you spent all your money on new software.TERMINAL – A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.WINDOW – What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
Category:Science Jokes