Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List A’ Category

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “Tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?”"Even worse,” she assured him in her most scornful tone. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face.” “He’s an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!” “You did. All over his suit,” Louise informed him. “And he fired you.” “Well, screw him,” said John. “I did, said Louise, “You’re back at work on Monday.”
Category:Men Jokes

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”The horrified mother went in and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house!! Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.”She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
Category:Men Jokes

Did ya hear what President Clinton had to say about the Abortion Bill? Ah thought ah paid it!
Category:Political Jokes

A man was walking along a Florida beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it, and out popped a genie.The genie said, “OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three… You only get one wish!”The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible!!!Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete — how much steel!! No, think of another wish.”The man said, “OK, I’ll try to think of a really good wish.” Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive.So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say “nothing,”, know how to make them truly happy.”The genie said, “Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?”
Category:Women Jokes

A veterinarian surgeon had had a hell of a day, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang. “Is this the vet?” asked an elderly lady’s voice.”Yes, it is”, replied the vet, “Is this an emergency?”"Well, sort of”, said the elderly lady, “there’s a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise mating and I can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it?” There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied “Open the window and tell them they’re wanted on the phone”"Really?” said the elderly lady, “Will that will that stop them?”"Should do,” said the vet, “- IT STOPPED ME!”
Category:Animal World