Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List A’ Category

A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, “What the hell is that all about?”The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
Category:Animal World

A horse and a rabbit A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into amud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get thefarmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm butthe farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to themud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws theother end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the carforward saving him from sinking!A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadowagain and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to thehorse to go and get some help from the farmer.The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretchedover the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pullyourself up.” And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need aMercedes!
Category:Animal World

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around hisneck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’shis turn to be waited on.A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchaseand noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and askedthe dog what it wanted today.The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef,and the butcher said, “How many pounds?” The dog barked twice, so thebutcher made a package of two pounds ground beef. He then said,”Anything else?” The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butchersaid, “How many?” The dog barked four times, and the butcher made upa package of four pork chops.The dog walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could getat the purse and take out the appropriate amount of money beforetying the two packages of meat around the dog’s neck.The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow thedog. The dog walked for several blocks and then walked up to a housewhere it began to scratch the door to be let in.As the owner opened the door, the man called to the owner, “That’s areally smart dog you have there.”"He’s not really all that smart,” the owner replied.”This is the second time this week he forgot his key.”
Category:Animal World

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. “You can understand what I’m saying?” asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.”Well, did you see this?”"Yes,” motioned the monkey.”What happened?”The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.”They were drinking?” asked the officer.”Yes.”"What else?”The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.”They were smoking marijuana?”"Yes.”"What else?”The monkey motioned “Screwing.”"They were screwing, too?” asked the astounded officer.”Yes.” “Now wait, you’re saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they wrecked.”"Yes.”"What were you doing during all this?”"Driving” motioned the monkey.
Category:Animal World

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. “What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.” They’re just like people, aren’t they Grandma?” said the little one. “How do you mean?” asked the Grandma. “Offer someone a helping hand,” said the little girl, “and they fuck you everytime!”
Category:Animal World