Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List C’ Category

A Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he seesSteven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese peoplebombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.” The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”.”Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese your all the same,” replied Spielberg.In return, the Chinese man gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.” Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.” The Chinese man, replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carsberg, you’re all the same.”
Category:Free Jokes

BIT – A word used to describe computers, as in “Our daughter’s computer cost quite a bit.”BOOT – What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging about your computer skill. BUG – What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. Also: What computer magazine companies do to you after they get you on their mailing list.CHIPS – The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.COPY – What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time playing games on your computer and not enough time studying. CURSOR – What you turn into when you can’t get your computer to perform, as in “You %@& computer!”DISK – What goes out of your back after bending over a computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip.DUMP – The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install games on your computer.ERROR – What you made when you first walked into a computer showroom “just to look.” EXPANSION UNIT – The new room you have to build on to your home to house your computer and all its peripherals.FILE – What a secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that the computer does her day’s work in 30 minutes.FLOPPY – The condition of a constant computer user’s stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food (see “CHIPS”).HARDWARE – Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven’t laid a finger on since getting your computer.IBM – The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your computer so you’ll pay attention to them again. MENU – What you’ll never see again after buying a computer because you’ll be too poor to eat in a restaurant.PROGRAMS – Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked your computer up.RETURN – What lots of people do to their computers after they receive their first billing from their internet service provider.TAB – What your friends pick up when they meet you for lunch because you spent all your money on new software.TERMINAL – A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot computers.WINDOW – What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program that took you three days to set up.
Category:Science Jokes

Why did a group of Columbians run away from a computer lab.Because the computer said you have performed an illegal operation and will be shutdown.
Category:Science Jokes

My computer crashed and died today And I thought, “oh well what the hey” Now I’d have time to clean my house And see if I still had a spouseIt started out with weird frustrations Combined with mild heart palpitations And then my ankles began to swell Withdrawal symptoms from no AOLChills ran up and down my spine Oh, God I had to get on-line To greet my buds and check my mail I began to feel helpless and frailThen I remembered the Good Guy’s Store And all those computers by the door I’d go there and when alone With no one looking I’d sign-onI stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem soundI was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to poundThen I typed my password, and the computer said, “Goodbye” And that’s what I kept hearing each time that I would try. This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fixI …slowly… typed… my… password… then…I… stood….and…waited The darned thing said , “Goodbye” again and I got real frustrated That’s when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking screamWhen I woke I was handcuffed being booked I think I asked the data entry cop, if he’d get me a drink Now I’m sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.
Category:Science Jokes

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?” One student asked, “How much for a season pass?”
Category:Dirty Jokes