Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List H’ Category
half of everything
Three guys are walking in an abandoned warehouse. They find a genie bottle. They decide to rub it.A genie pops out. He says, “I will grant you each one wish, but there’s a catch. Whatever you wish for, a lawyer will get 2 times more than that.”The first guy says, “I want a million dollars.” The genie says, “Are you sure?” He says yes. *poof* The guy has one million dollars, and a lawyer gets two million.The second guy says “I want a new car.” The genie says, “A lawyer is getting two new cars then.” The guy says, “Oh well. I want my car.” *poof* He has a new porche.The third guy says, “I want to be beaten half to death.”
Category:Lawyer Jokes
Have a Drink
Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road.They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt.It’s impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer.The lawyer calls the police on his car phone; they’ll be there in 20 minutes.It’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away.”Aren’t you going to have a drink?” the doctor asked.”AFTER the police get here,” replies the lawyer.
Category:Lawyer Jokes
How Lawyers Do It
Lawyers do it with appeal.Lawyers do it confidentially.Lawyers do it on a trial basis.Lawyers do it until justice prevails.Lawyers do it as long as you can pay them.Lawyers do it unless it is prohibited by law.
Category:Lawyer Jokes
Hillary and Bill at baseball game
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the year, and everyone is yelling and screaming. One of the President’s cabinet advisors whispers advice into his ear, at which point Bill stands up and throws Hillary out onto the field. The crowd goes deathly silent and the advisor says, “No, sir, what I said was, they want you to throw out the first pitch.”
Category:Political Jokes
Hockey
Three guys from Carolina died and went to hell.Satan went to check on them and saw that they had their shirts off and didn’t mind the heat, so he turned up the heat. He went to check on them again and he saw that they were in their boxers and they still didn’t mind the heat. Satan went and turned the temperature down to minus twenty.Satan went to check on them and he saw that they were in their coats cheering. He went up to them and asked why they were cheering. One of them yelled out “Hell froze over, the Hurricanes must have won the cup!”
Category:Practical Jokes