Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List I’ Category

He has a one-track mind, and the traffic on it is very light. He paid $500 to have his family tree searched, and found out he was the sap. There are times he has something on his mind — he wears a hat occasionally. His neck reminds you of a typewriter — Underwood. The only time he thinks is in a poolroom, where he can rack his brains. If you want the real dope about anything, go to the real dope — HIM! He bought a topless bathing suit for his half-sister. A traffic judge asked him, “Have you ever been up before me?” And he said, “I don’t know, what time do you get up?” Once he saw an old woman fall down, but didn’t help her up. His mother warned him against having anything to do with fallen women. He’s never bought Christmas seals –says he wouldn’t know what to feed them. He carried a double-barreled gun to the ball game, because he heard the Lions were playing the Tigers. He called it quits when his fourth child was born, because he read that every fifth child born is Chinese! He won’t let his daughter go to college because he heard that the students have to show their professors their thesis. The first time he heard about the Boston Tea Party, he asked who the caterer was. When a beggar asked him, “Do you have a quarter for a sandwich?” he said “Let’s see the sandwich.”
Category:Funny Jokes

He’s so dumb, he thinks the Kentucky Derby is a hat. He’s never slept with his wife. He says it isn’t honorable to sleep with a married woman. He’s so dumb, he thinks the English Channel is a British T.V. station. He’s so dumb, he thinks the St. Louis Cardinals are appointed by the Pope. He lost his dog, but he won’t put an ad in the newspaper. He says it’s no use — his dog can’t read. He still hasn’t bought an electric toothbrush. He doesn’t know if his teeth are AC or DC. He jumped off the bus backwards when he heard someone say, “Let’s grab his seat when he gets off.” He heard that a man gets hit by an automobile every twenty minutes. He said, “What a glutton for punishment, that guy!”
Category:Funny Jokes

1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. 2. If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret, girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. 3. If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad orangry, we meant the other way.4. It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together. 5. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are? 6. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out. 7. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.8. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.9. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we. 10. Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.11. When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying “This is our exit” is not necessary.12. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
Category:Men Jokes

Iraqi TV Guide MONDAY8:00 Husseinfeld8:30 Mad About Everything9:00 Suddenly Sanctions9:30 Allah McBealTUESDAY8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says it’s Right9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things9:30 Iraq’s Funniest Public Execution BloopersWEDNESDAY8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy9:00 Just Shoot Me9:30 VeilwatchTHURSDAY8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H9:00 Veronica’s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses9:30 My Two BaghdadsFRIDAY8:00 Judge Saddam8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things9:00 Achmed’s Creek9:30 No-witness News
Category:Political Jokes

I want to become a politician when I grow up so I’ve made a list of skills I want to aquire, butI’ve only come up with one: Lying.
Category:Political Jokes