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Jews & Christmas

admin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:00:00 +0000

December 25 is National Jews Go to the Movies Day!-Jon Stewart
Category:Festival Jokes

Jump out of the plane!

admin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:00:00 +0000

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, “We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump. At least one of you will survive.”The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, “God Save The Queen,” and jumps.The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, “Viva La France,” and he also jumps.This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, “Remember the Alamo,” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
Category:Free Jokes

Jelly

admin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:00:00 +0000

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, “So how?s your breakfast this morning?” “It?s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can?t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled “KY Jelly.”
Category:Doctor Jokes

Jesus’s Ethnicity

admin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:00:00 +0000

Proof That Jesus Was Jewish:1. He went into his father’s business.2. He lived at home until the age of 33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.Proof That Jesus Was Irish:1. He never got married.2. He was always telling stories.3. He loved green pastures.Proof That Jesus Was Puerto Rican:1. His first name was Jesus.2. He was bilingual.3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.Proof That Jesus Was Italian:1. He talked with his hands.2. He had wine with every meal.3. He worked in the building trades.Proof that Jesus Was a Californian:1. He never cut his hair.2. He walked around barefoot.3. He invented a new religion and finallyProof that Jesus Was Black:1. He called everybody brother.2. He liked Gospel.3. He couldn’t get a fair trial.
Category:Political Jokes

Jock vs. Nerd

admin — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:00:00 +0000

Is It Better To Be a Jock or a Nerd?$ Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.$ If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.$ If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.$ He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.$ He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.$ He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.$ If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you ‘d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.$ He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.$ While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.$ This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.Amazing isn’t it? However…$ If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.
Category:Practical Jokes