Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List N’ Category

Not that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, “Oh, Mrs. Moore, I’m so happy to meet you. I’m your husband’s new secretary.”Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, “OH ? Really ? Were you ???”
Category:At Work

NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGEIt has been brought to our attention that some individuals have beenusing foul language during the execution of their duties. Due tocomplaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type oflanguage will no longer be tolerated.We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properlyexpress their feelings when communicating with other employees. Withthis in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list ofcode phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue inan effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitivebrethren.Old Phrase New Phrase1. No fucking way I’m fairly sure that this is not feasible2. Your fucking joking Really3. Tell someone who gives a fuck Have you run that by…………….4. No cunt told me I was not involved in that project5. I don’t have the fucking time Perhaps I can work late6. Who fucking cares Are you sure that is the problem7. Eat shit and die You don’t say8. Eat shit and die motherfucker You don’t say, Sir9. Kiss my arse So you would like me to help you10. He’s a fucking prick He is somewhat insensitive11. That’s fucking bullshit I find that hard to believe12. You haven’t got a fucking clue You could benefit from more training13. This place is fucked We are a little disorganised today14. What sort of fucker are you You’re new here aren’t you?15. Fuck off shit head Well there you go16. You’re a fucking wanker You’re my manager and I respect you17. Ha! Fuck you I wasn’t there that day18. This is bollocks We need to look into this some more19. I aint got no cunt I am rather short of labour20. Fuck off I’ll look into that and get back to you
Category:At Work

A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked ashard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three treesin a day.His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybehis chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was workingfine.The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, “What’s that noise?”
Category:At Work

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up, wondering what happened to her.She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.”You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a signon it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”
Category:Blonds

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. “Yes Dad, what is it?”"Don’t be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn’tgo well, if something happens to me … your mother is going to comeand live with you and your wife….”
Category:Ethnic