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A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been!” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary, and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 8.00 p.m.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!!”
Category:Relationships

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally became pregnant, and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. “Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!” Then he gave her a stern look and asked, “Have you been fooling around on me?” The wife just smiled sweetly and said, “Not this time”!
Category:Relationships

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a checkfor $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want togo into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind offarm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not toraise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keepingwith all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raiserazorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I wouldjust as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping anaccurate inventory of how many hogs I haven’t raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of thebusiness. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and thebest he ever made on them was $442.00 in 1968, until this year when hegot your check for $1,000.00 for not raising hogs. If I get $1,000.00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000.00 fornot raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first,holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will meanabout $80,000.00 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane. Now another thing. These hogs I will not be raising will not eat100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers fornot raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for notraising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going toraise? I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems to be a goodtime of the year not to raise hogs and grain. Also, I am considering the “not milking cows” business, so send meany information on that too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will betotally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.Patriotically yours,Jean Partridge
Category:Free Jokes

Names to Use in Prank Calls Hugh G. Rection Jim Nassium Claire Voyence Buster Hyman Anita Moore (Roger’s Mom) Dick Peede Mike Hunt Mai Dixie Wrecked Jon Doe’s brother Dil
Category:Free Jokes

NoticeTo make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important NoticeAbout Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for youto notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On theother hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is verynoticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have beennoticeably unnoticeable. This notice is to remind you to notice the noticesand respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.–NOTICE COMMITTEE FOR NOTICING NOTICES
Category:Free Jokes