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Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List O’ Category

One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.”What’s the matter?” the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.” The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender. ” Yeah, except today is the last night.
Category:Drunk Jokes

A blonde who’s down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, “Sure anything.” “Well, I’ve been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?” the man replies.”I don’t know, say $50 bucks.” “Sounds good. Go ahead and get started.” He closes the door and walks back inside.His wife asks him, “Who was at the door?” He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, “$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more.” “But that’s all she said she wanted, and anyway she’s a dumb blonde!”10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says, “All done.” With a surprised look on his face, “I can’t believe it, you’re already done painting the entire porch.”"Yes, and by the way it’s not a porch it’s a Ferrari.”
Category:Blonde Jokes

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, “Do you still get horny?”The other replies, “Oh sure I do.” The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?” The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.” After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the beach?”
Category:Dirty Jokes

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand… nothing. So, I tried with my left hand…nothing. My wife tried with her right hand… nothing. Her left hand… nothing. Her mouth…nothing. Then my wife’s friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth…. still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife’s friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off of the specimen cup.
Category:Dirty Jokes

He says he has a mind of his own. He’s welcome to it– who else would want it?
Category:Funny Jokes