Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List O’ Category

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?”Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. “Very good Sally,” the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. “See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?” Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. “Very good Billy,” the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal.”See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?”Still no one guesses. “Let me give you another hint, it’s something your mother calls your father.”Johnny shouts out “I know what it is, it’s a horny bastard.”
Category:Children

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son.” “Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. “Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.”Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service”, replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?”
Category:Children

One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,”You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!”The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out of the situation, “You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats.” The boyshrugged his shoulders and went off to play. Later that day the boy was watching his dad shave. Suddenly his dad blurted out, “Shit” when he cuthimself. The boy asked, “dad what does that mean?” and his dad cleverly replied, “That’s the brand of shaving cream I’m using.” So the boy wandered into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that evening. As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and blurted out “Fuck”. Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated mother snapped at him, “It’s french for cooking now go awnser the door! Thecompany is already here!” So the boy went, oopened the door, and put his new vocabulary to use, “Hello bitches and bastards, you can hang your cuntsand dicks in the closet. My dad is still in the bathroom putting shit on his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.”
Category:Children

One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class”What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?”Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant topick on him she chose little Mary.”I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotionsof love are.”"Very interesting.” replied the teacher. Seeing no one else hadtheir hand raised but Johnny, she finally called on him.”I think your feet go up first.”Confused but relieved the teacher said, “Why is that?”Johnny replied, “Once when I walked in my parents room I saw mydad on my mom, and she had her feet in the air saying “Oh God!”
Category:Children

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”
Category:Children