Funny Jokes – Clean Jokes – Joke of The Day

Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List P’ Category

A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical duringintermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body.She smiled and gushed, “Well, hello there Doc.” and kept right on going.After a moment’s pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, “Don’t worry dear, that’s just a young lady I knowprofessionally.”Without missing a beat, his wife asked, “Hers or Yours ?”
Category:At Work

Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test.Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?Paddy: Seven!Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?Paddy: Seven!Tester: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?Paddy: Six.Tester: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven!Tester: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?Paddy : I’ve already got one rabbit at home!
Category:At Work

More Jesse news… Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse Jackson Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to thepopulation for my act of copulation. I gave in to temptation, for the anticipation of sexual gratification, that I could not obtain through masturbation, resulted in my fornication. I accepted her invitation,and provided her with excitation, stimulation, penetration, replication, and liberation. She provided lubrication (to avoid inflammation) and I wore condoms to avoid contamination. She cried for duplication but I insisted upon termination, in spite her fascination with variation. This has caused me great aggravation, and the agitation and provocation of the media has resulted in my humiliation,denigration, and degradation. My wife is considering castration, whichwould require my hospitalization. Pray that this matter will find culmination in my sanctification and rehabilitation so that my plans for nomination to my ultimate vocation will not result in revocation and termination. I hope this proclamation has provided illumination and verification and will prohibit further provocation. Sincerely, The Rev. Jesse Jackson
Category:Celebrities

PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.” The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The Dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother. “The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”
Category:Children

Pest-by-Modem Here’s how to be a pest-by-modem:*Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations likeIMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to showthat they’re “hep” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand foranything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse toexplain what they stand for (“You don’t know? RTFM”).*WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON’T USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SOTHAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE ALSOUSE A LOT OF !!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUTBEING HERE!!!!!!!*When replying to your mail, correct everyone’s grammar and spelling andpoint out their typos, but don’t otherwise respond to the content oftheir messages. When they respond testily to your ‘creative criticism,”do it again. Continue until they go away.*Software and files offered on-line are often “compressed” so that itwon’t take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compressionprogram and compress everything you send, including one-word E-mailresponses like “Thanks.”*Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give themnames like “SexyHouseWives,” then see how many people download them.Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-on. Takebets and calculate odds on the results of each upload’s popularity.*cc: all your E-mail to Al Gore (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so thathe can keep track of what’s happening on the information SuperhighwayInternet.*Join a discussion group, and tie whatever’s being discussed back to anunrelated central theme of your own. For instance, if you’re in adiscussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observationthat those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an importantrole. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased aspeople write you threatening messages and instruct all other members toignore you.
Category:Science Jokes