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Archive for the ‘Funny Jokes List S’ Category

Why does it take 100 sperm to fertilize 1 egg?Because men won’t stop for directions!
Category:Men Jokes

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was thebest laugh he’d ever had.
Category:Men Jokes

Man walks into the Doctors office. “I have the results of your test and I’m afraid your going to die” Says the Doctor. The Man asks “How long do I have to live?” “Ten”, replies the Doctor. “What the hell does that mean”, the Man asks. “Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?” The Doctor Replies “Nine”
Category:Men Jokes

“Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.” –President Gerald Ford “My fellow astronauts…”–Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration. “Capital punishment is our society’s recognition of the sanctity of human life.”–Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty. “China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”–Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President “I stand by all the misstatements.”–Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes “Gerald Ford was a Communist”–Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say ‘Congressman’. “Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C. “We found the term ‘killing’ too broad.”–State Department spokesperson on why the word ‘killing’ was replaced with ‘unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life’ in its human rights reports for 1984-5 “This is a great day for France!”–President Richard Nixon while attending Charles De Gaulle’s funeral “This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected.”–California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood “It’s not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host.”–James Baker, televangelist. “The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to make use of them till the ladies are seated.”–Instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland. “The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police.”–U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad. “What he does on his own time is up to him.”–Harlon Copeland, Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught exposing himself to a child. “Facts are stupid things.”–Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in a speech to the Republican convention.
Category:Political Jokes

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she’s a BIG Lakers fan.She’s really excited about it and asks the kids if they’re Lakers fans too.Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they’re Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, …named Josh.The teacher looks at Josh and says, “Josh, you’re not a Lakers fan?”He says, “Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!” She says, “Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?”Josh says, “Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I’m a Sacrmento Kings fan.”The teacher’s not real happy. She’s a little hot under the collar. She says, “Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!”Josh says, “Then I’d be a Laker fan!”
Category:Practical Jokes