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A string walks into a bar and ask the waiter for a beer. The waiter says, “I am sorry but we can’t serve strings here.”The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and messes up his hair. He goes back to the bar about an hour later, sits down and says, “Waiter, give me a beer.” The waiter says,”Hey aren’t you the string who came in here earlier.”The string replies, “No, I’m a fraid knot.”
Category:Drunk Jokes

Three men walk into a bar and the barman says, ”If you can sit in my basement for a day I’ll give you free beer forever.” So the first man says, ”Easy. I can do that.” But he walks out after five minutes and says, ”It’s impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there.” So the second man tries his luck, but can’t take more than 10 minutes. Finally the third man goes in and comes out a day later. The others ask him how he did it. He said, ”Easy. I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!”
Category:Drunk Jokes

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it.?Hey, what’s that?? ?A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist.? ?Can I try?? The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room. ?Ducks? I didn’t wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!? ?Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist??
Category:Drunk Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing “Tuff Enuff” by the Fabulous Thunderbirds. “That IS amazing!” says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer. “If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?” The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” by Bachman-Turner Overdrive. The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who’s been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to. “Are you nuts?” asks the bartender. “You could’ve made a fortune off that frog.” “Can you keep a secret?” asks the man. “The hamster’s a ventriloquist.”
Category:Drunk Jokes

A man walks into a bar and finds a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender what it’s for. The bartender replies, “Every night we have a contest that you have to complete three tasks to win all the money in the jar.”The man asks, “What are the tasks?”"First, you have to go over to Jimmy the bouncer and knock him out with one hit.Then, well, there’s a pitbull out back and you have to pull its blunt tooth out.Finally, the bosses wife is up stairs and you have to go pleasure her, but you have to put down ten dollars to play.” said the bartender.”Damn.” says the man.Later that night, after several drinks, the man smacks down a ten dollar bill and says, “I’m in.”He walks over to the bouncer and swings. One hit he’s out cold.The man falls flat on his face also, but gets up and walks out back. All you hear is the dog howling. Then the man steps back in, goes over to the bartender and asks, “Now where’s that lady with the blunt tooth.”
Category:Drunk Jokes