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I never actually grapsed the whole “Trick or treat” ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice?-Jerry Seinfeld
Category:Funny Jokes

The IRS says they can’t give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don’t have addresses for the taxpayers. Yeah, they can’t find you when they owe YOU money-Jay Leno
Category:Funny Jokes

eariler this week i went to the guy who inveted the hokey pokey’s funeral. It was a weird funeral. First they put his left leg in,then took his left leg out,they put his left leg in and they shaked it all about.Then they put his right leg in and then his right leg out,they put his left leg in and they shook it all about,and so on and so forth until he was totally in
Category:Funny Jokes

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.State-of-the-art: Any computer you can’t afford. Obsolete: Any computer you own. Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. G3: Apple’s new Macs that make you say ‘Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.’ Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.” Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error. GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced ‘gooey’) Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors. Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline. Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
Category:Science Jokes

Things You Don’t Want Your Sysadmin To Say1. Uh-oh…2. Oh S***!3. What the heck?!?4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?)5. That’s SOOOOO bizarre.6. Wow!! Look at this…7. Hey!! The Suns don’t do this.8. Terminated?!?9. What software license?!?10. Well, it’s doing SOMETHING…11. Wow…that seemed fast…12. I got a better job at Lockheed…13. Management says…14. Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgeted.15. What do you mean that wasn’t a copy?16. It didn’t do that a minute ago…17. Where’s the GUI on this thing?18. Damn, and I just bought that Coke…19. Where’s the DIR command?20. The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver.21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there’s LOTS of free space.22. What’s this “any” key I’m supposed to press?23. Do you smell something?24. What’s that grinding sound?25. I have never seen it do THAT before…26. I don’t think it should be doing that…27. I remember the last time I saw it do that…28. You might as well all go home early today…29. My leave starts tomorrow.30. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)31. Hmm, maybe if I do this…32. Why is my “rm -R *” taking so long?”33. Hmmm, curious…34. Well, MY files were backed up.35. What do you mean you needed that directory?36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?38. I didn’t think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.39. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?40. We’re standardizing on AIX.41. Wonder what THIS command does?42. What did you say your (1)user name was…?
Category:Science Jokes